The Life and Times of Nobody

I suck at a lot of things…

Okay so it worries me that as soon as I typed “I” tumblr filled in the rest as “suck at a lot of things…” Like, I get it tumblr. I’ve been gone for a while. I haven’t written anything. I know. But there’s no need for all this hate.

That being said- I’m sorry I’ve been absent for so long on here. It just kept slipping my mind, and every time Christine reminded me, I would say “Calm down bitch. I’ll do it when I do it.” But then I never did it. Oops. I promise to make it up to you in the future. I’ll blog all the time. Every day is pushing it, I’m not going to promise that. But at least a couple times a week sounds reasonable. Right? Yeah. Myblogmychoices.

Today was everyone’s first day back to school for second semester. Suckaaaas. Just kidding. I’m sad I’m not there. But I would have been totally miserable, yet again, so I’m glad I’m not there. Currently watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and eating pie and after that I’m gonna watch The Bachelor and then a movie and go to bed at a decent hour and then wake up in the morning and go get a copy of The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (shameless plug- go buy it, it’s gonna be great) and then I have to go to the doctor where they’re probably gonna do more blood tests because that’s all my life is lately. After that, my day will be dedicated to reading TFiOS. Yee haw. So exciting. JK my life is kind of boring now. Daily job search. bleh.

Okay. I’m out of things to write. I have to ease back into this. I promise not to suck. Except I don’t promise that at all. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Peace and buh-lessins.

Cast of Characters

One night I was bored, and tried to describe my life using only sentences that started with “My life is…” and see what I could come up with. Here’s how it worked out-

My life is amazing. My life is tragic. My life is simple. My life is complex. It’s both easy and hard. It’s both tiny and enormous.  My life cannot be defined by simple words.  My life is impossible to understand without experiencing. My life is spontaneous, it’s quick-paced, it’s like the wind. My life is real, it’s happening, it’s magical. It’s a quite a bit faith and trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.  My life is full of mystery, but it’s wide open for the world to see. My life is red, orange, blue, green, yellow, pink, purple, black, white. My life is light plum, eggshell white, azure, magenta, harlequin, heliotrope, amaranth, ivory, tangerine, octarine. My life is relatable. It’s hilarious. It’s sometimes unbelievable. My life is crazy, and it’s rare. My life is quiet, it’s loud, it’s everything in between. My life is hideous and beautiful. It’s average and extraordinary. It’s indescribable, incomprehensible, incredible. It’s wild, it’s tame. My life is everything I could ever ask for. My life is perfect.

So, there it is. That’s my life. It is an incredible story, with a wonderful cast and a plot that has yet to be worked out. And my life would be nothing without that incredible cast, so here are the main players-

COLUMBIA

• Justine- roommate extraordinaire.
• Christine- just some bitch that lives down the hallway (just kidding.)
• Tyler- Columbia resident best friend
• West quad boys- Tyler’s roommates: Kellam, Liam, and Desmond
• Team Columbia- Kelsey, Garry, Trent, Sara, Brittany, Jane, Tank, Chris
• And other assorted characters.

CHARLOTTE

• Emma- my other half.
• Niki- the devil that sits on one shoulder
• Boo- the angel on the other
• The drum boys- Michael/Justin
• And other assorted characters

ELSEWHERE

• Allison- vice president. best friend (I have a lot of these, don’t get confused). goes to NC State
• Carol- best friend since 6th grade. goes to UNC
• Emma- yet another best friend. lives with Carol-bitch-longlegs at UNC
• Preston- the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. another best friend. is currently being awesome and studying film at UNCSA
• And other assorted characters

So there you go. You now know just about as much about what’s going on in my life as I do. I know this wasn’t hilarious or enthralling, but it’s pretty essential to understanding my life. Sorry to disappoint. But just so you don’t walk away from this shaking your head and saying “She isn’t funny. I’m never reading that again!” (even though, honestly, I wouldn’t care), I’ll end this with a joke.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The holocaust. 

Boom. 

I just… I can’t.

I’m ready for this week to be over. I’m so tired, and I’m ready to see my parents, and celebrate my sister’s ninth birthday. (Who the hell let her turn nine? I swear, last time I saw her she was knee-high to a grasshopper, just learning to crawl.) And I’m ready to go see Tyler Hilton in concert. And I’m ready to sleep all day Sunday.

I’m not ready for Etude auditions to happen on Sunday and me not be there. It’s going to be a hard winter. But fear not dear friends- I’ve compiled a list of things I can do this year to keep my mind off of my lack of Etude:

• Cru.
• TWLOHA
• Carolina Productions
• Off Off Broadway
• Get a job (probably won’t happen, let’s be real)
• Stitches of Hope (they sew/knit/crochet things for people in local hospitals… this would involve me learning to sew/knit/crochet, but hey, I have nothing better to do with the time… except maybe study. but who does that these days?)
• SCUBA club (this is highly improbable, considering I get incredibly sea-sick, and I hate the ocean/lake/sea/river/gulf… and I hate fish)
• Start a new club called “Society of Asshole Who Like To Drink And Be Sassy”

Now, I know what you’re thinking- SAWLTDBS is unpronounceable. I know. I’ve yet to find a remedy to this problem, but honestly, that last choice is probably the most suitable for my life and personality. So we’ll see how it goes. Let me know if you have any ideas. Ask box is open… and not just for asks.

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

First off, why is a robot asking me questions? This is not what I signed up for. Second, what a question. That could be anything. Can music be an inanimate object? Oh wait, you’re a robot. You aren’t going to say otherwise. So yes, my favorite inanimate object is music. Any and all of it. Thanks, kind robot, for your lovely question.

What do you want?

My life isn’t interesting enough to blog about. So I’m sorry in advance that this blog is going to suck. But it’s your fault for even coming to it in the first place. If you know me, you know better.

Like, honestly though. What am I doing right now? Sitting in english class. Should I be listening to my teacher? Probably. Am I spending my time playing tetris instead? Absolutely. I know how to write a topic sentence. I got into college… I’m not a complete idiot.

So now you’re thinking to yourself, “If she knows her life is boring, why would she start a blog?” Great question. I’m glad you asked. Because I want it to be turned into a book, and I want to get crazy rich. Yes, that’s unrealistic. No, I don’t care. I know it probably won’t happen, but come on, I thought you would at least have some faith in me. (I say “you” as if I’m actually talking to someone, when I know full well that probably nobody will read this shit.)

So here it is. A blog. I have no intentions of like, blogging every day for a year. This isn’t like, some 365 ordeal that anybody should check eagerly every day. Or even at all. I’ll be shocked if it even lasts more than 2 days. My journals/diaries/blogs never do. Sorry I don’t have the dedication of Anne Frank (and I know that was rude).

If anyone is even still reading at this point, thanks. I would say “It’s people like you that I’m writing for.” But that would be a lie. Sorry folks. I’m not here to blow smoke up your ass and tell you you’re beautiful and special. I’m not your momma. I’m just a girl in your computer.

Tevin said it.